I’m a Jez

I’ve never been an Apple person, but don’t get me wrong I love its products. The iBook is a multimedia dream machine, the staff at its shiny outlets are knowledgeable and helpful – the fact they’re in retail is a bit weird really - and the iPhone is clearly the best smartphone on the market by some margin. So let’s get that out of the way before the Mac fan-boys (and I suspect girls to a lesser extent) declare a digital jihad on me.

With all this praise I suppose the it would be a fair question to ask why won’t I take a bite of the Apple? In short, other than the prices I don’t really know, it’s all a bit culty though isn’t it… and Apple devotees are often just a little too smug - need proof just look this ad:



Since this campaign aired Microsoft has felt compelled to respond with its own series of (ever so cool) “I’m a PC” ads featuring a host of international celebs. It needn’t have bothered since the “Mac” character in Apple’s own efforts is a phenomenal piece of miscasting by its ad agency. Clearly they wanted to riff off UK audiences’ familiarity with the odd couple pairing of Mitchell and Webb in “Peep Show”, however what they failed to notice was just what a dim and wholly self-satisfied loser Robert Webb plays in the show. Now when I hear “I’m a Mac” what this translates itself into is “I’m a Jez”.

However, following on from my recent post on casual gaming I felt it the time was right to dip my toe into iTunes, so armed with an iPod Touch I decided to take the plunge. Will the iPod live up to its billing as the top hand-held on the market?

The iPod Touch certainly does have lots going for it as a gaming device, the 3D graphics are impressive although I’m not convinced by the claims that it outperforms the Nintendo Wii. However the pricing on the App store is far more competitive than I’d ever expect from our Japanese friends – I’ve never seem games priced at 59p before and with the likes of FlightControl on offer it’s worth considering as a games machine.

However, the killer app for me has to be the video, and here’s a top tip – download the Real SP beta from Realplayer, it allows you to simply download videos straight from the web… Perhaps a legal grey area but lets wash over that for the time being... Once you’ve got the file you can convert it to play on the iPhone/iTouch with a minimum of fuss – and it’s free, so can’t say fairer than that!

However in terms of usability for gaming when it comes to anything more complex than Sudoku the controls really do let the iPod Touch down. May be it’s my problem but I really need a control stick or a d-pad because a) I feel really daft on the train tilting the handset left and right like a boss-eyed drunk trying to read a pamphlet and b) smudging… The touch screen interface really annoys me, the IPod Touch has a great screen upon which I enjoy watching videos but even after a short gaming session the screen is invariably covered in finger prints and greasy smudges. So until Apple releases some sort of DS-type stylus the only solution I can see is to grow Nosferatu-style talons.

One of my most dreaded home entertainment scenarios is the combination of buttery-fingered toddlers and the flat screen TV that they seem to be attracted to like moths to a flame. It’s a lose/lose situation, in the worst case scenario the child ends up flattened by a falling LCD, the second option is smeary screen, this is obviously less bad but still aggravating. Honestly, I can’t blame the kid but parents – come on, it really isn’t that endearing that your child wants to be one with the pretty shapes?!

Clearly the tech industry seems to think we all want to be in Star Trek since touch screen is threatening to become a valid interface on anything that has a screen. When OLED screens become a standard will we really want to befoul them with our finger grease - perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate the merits the humble projector?